I can tuck mytits in my pants
I wish I only lived at night.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
