I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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