i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
