i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
