This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize