Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Randomize