I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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