Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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