so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
