Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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