Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
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