we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
