Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
