I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
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