and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
