nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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