I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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