Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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