listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
No subtext here. People are naked.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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