And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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