pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
