Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
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