Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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