yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
