Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
