Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
