I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
