I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
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