Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
