you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
