i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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