if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
