We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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