I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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