But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Randomize
