did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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