five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
