After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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