I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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