Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
