AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Are my feet made of real feet?
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
