He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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