i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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