I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
She's the barista slut.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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