DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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