Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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