He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
