i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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