just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
