I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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