I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
