you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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