sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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