I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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