wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
