she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Houston, we have a blender
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
