Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Randomize
