i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
sarcasm needs its own font
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Randomize
