so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
My pussy is not your playground.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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