My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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