I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
