genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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