Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
