just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
