we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
