I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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