4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
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