drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
