i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
