I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
