I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
