When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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